Something To Ponder

To have hope is a fine thing
To have a plan is a better thing!!!!!

Something to Ponder

While your head makes most of the decisions
You're heart will always make the right ones

Ghosting...it happens to all of us

Wow, I've read quite a bit about "Ghosting" today. Articles are appearing on websites with "victims" of ghosting share their sob stories about the pain associated with it or how hard it was to deal with. Unfortunately I have seen no mention of the term "Shared Responsibility"......

For those who don't know what it is, "Ghosting" is essentially the ceasing of all communication with someone to the point you hope they get the hint and buggar off. It's a weak way to remove someone from your life.

Ghosting hurts, so rarely painless. When someone you cared about walks away from your life with no apparent reason or word, it can leave you feeling rejected, angry and hurting but I don't think it's a blameless act.

To be honest I've ghosted and been ghosted! Everyone has experienced ghosting at some point in their life. I'm not religious but consider that even Jesus was ghosted by Judas!!!!! Face it, it may not be a nice experience but it happens to the best of us.

Here's a special note to everyone I've ghosted: I left your life for a very good reason although I probably should've told you why. I hope you moved on.

And now a special note to everyone who ever ghosted me: I tried to figure out why but now I understand you too had your reasons why. I've moved on and I hope you have too.

It's hard to imagine people would leave without a reason. Surely no one just decides on the spur of the moment to up and go but the harsh fact is that something DID happen, you just can't pinpoint what.....and you never find out either.

So to those running around crying over being ghosted: Please stop playing an innocent victim looking for sympathy because it's very likely you played a part that caused the person to silently exit.

Here are some reasons why you may have been ghosted:
1. You started ignoring them rather than 'servicing' them. Didn't stay in regular contact via email or phone etc. Absence of presence can be a killer for any friendship
2. You made a comment you shouldn't have - passed an opinion your friend didn't agree with, gave an honest opinion about their significant other than was less than flattering......
3. You don't get along with their latest squeeze....you'll be dropped like a hot potato for this one!
4. You were using them as a chauffeur, dog sitter, money lender, animal feeder, unpaid labor...this list could take hours. Be honest with yourself about why you wanted to be friends in the first place.
5. You changed and they don't like it! We all change.....it's unavoidable
6. They simply outgrew you! Different lives, different experiences, different worlds. It happens
7. You continually made excuses not to see them....washing my hair, painting my pet rocks, busy....all these excuses can slowly call for the death knell in any friendship
8. Sometimes, despite nothing happening to warrant an break, people just move out of your life.

Despite your best efforts, it is difficult or impossible to recapture a friendship after a ghosting experience. You made a phone call to them, an email, tried to Facebook with them but still you remain invisible to them. Why? Did you ever consider that perhaps they were just so hurt by whatever act took place that it was easier to leave and stay away with no explanation. For some it's just too hard to see that person anymore as they only service as a reminder of the past pain you felt.

People need common threads to stay aligned, a mutual interest or hobby etc in order to stay aligned but when those threads vanish, we find ourselves needing to move on in another direction. Treasure the relationships today but understand they may have to leave your life briefly, maybe for a bit longer or perhaps forever. Remember the fond times you spent with them but understand things change and so do people. They seek new experiences, new friends, new beginnings, new lives and sometimes you cannot go where they are going.

Worrying!

Taken from Life.Hacks.com

Worrying is like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do but
it doesn't get you anywhere!

Dealing With Worry

Some days having faith is borderline impossible. Each day brings many trial and challengers that really push you to the brink. You feel like your being clobbered in every direction with no end in sight to the suffering. You struggle on trying to convince yourself that will be better tomorrow, the day after, next week, next year.....trying to convince yourself.

It's not your soul that gets crushed under the weight of everyday life but rather it's the spirit that suffers. Little things arise, nagging issues interrupt your routine and every now and again a monster issue rears its ugly head and demands your undivided attention. Each day your spirit takes a battering to the point that over time you find that with each hit, it takes just that little bit longer to recover and get going again. We all have different issues that demand our attention and gradually sap our energy and it's usually at this point that worry makes an appearance.

In recent months I've come to understand that my biggest worry is not anything material, it's not whether I'll be able to pay the bills, or find the time to deal with the usual family shenanigans or survive another day at work. Nope, it's none of those things. In short, it's not something I can physically touch or have evidence to prove its existence in any shape or form. My biggest worry is WORRY! A concept created by my mind! I'm actually redefining it as UNNCESSARRY WORRY. Unnecessary worry is fascinating. It is quite literally a self-made concept based on the thoughts in your head about situations in your life. It's usually about what MAY happen or what MIGHT happen but so very rarely is it about what's actually happening!

As humans we've been programmed to to accept fear and worry as normal. We choose to embrace the concept of worry and have a tendency to focus on everything that COULD happen because that's where our attention is. I don't know why but as we seem to spend most of lives ruled by fear, we need to understand the concept of worry is a favorite travelling partner of fear.

So why do we worry? I think maybe we're just trying to mentally prepare for every possible outcome.
Outcomes that haven't happened
Outcomes that are yet to exist
Outcomes which are yet to be played out

When faced with a situation, we should certainly plan for possible eventualities but should we worry? No we shouldn't.If you find your brain is consumed with a challenging situation and worry has made its presence know, try asking these questions:

1. What can I possibly achieve by worrying?
2. Will the issue go away if I worry?
3. Will worrying help me deal with the issue?

Worrying over an issue or situation is far more likely to make it worse than better. Issues tend to either get worse or seem like they are worse the more attention you give them/ Remember energy flows where attention goes. If your facing a situation that's causing worrying try this.

1. What's the situation/issue? Analyse it objectively then take a step back

2. What are the possible solutions?

3. Can I do anything immediately to resolve this issue? NO? Then take another step back and refuse to worry about from this point on.

Have a little faith in yourself and you're ability to handle the issue WHEN IT ACTUALLY HAPPENS BUT NOT ONE SECOND SOONER. Think about the issue and consider what you COULD do but don't worry about it. You're simply wasting valuable energy when you worry because you have absolutely no control anyway. I'm not suggesting you forget the issue but rather not to worry about it. Worry doesn't make an issue disappear and neither does the lack of worry!

Worry itself is an illusion. Try to describe worry in a physical form - it can't be done because it only exists in the mind - you created the worry so therefore you can destroy it and no longer allow worry any power of you swallowing up the precious time you have.

1. Spend time with my family or worry?
2. Enjoy a nice dinner with my love or worry?
3. Listen to favorite music and relax or worry?
4. Play some games on the iPad or worry?
5. Grab a coffee with friends or worry?

You get the picture. See worry for what it really is. A self-made, fear-based concept that only has as much power of you as you allow it.

When faced with worry, ask yourself one simple question

What would I rather be doing with my time?

Afraid of Failure?

You're not afraid of trying....

You're not afraid of failing....

Maybe you're afraid of what others will think if you try but it doesn't work

Staying Positive

Some days are rough....some days are rougher. There are those days that you just cannot imagine getting any worse. You reach your lowest point and there's now way anything else could happen to make that day any worse than what it is already....but somehow it does, another issue arises, another challenge fronts up and you start to feel like your already depleted resilience level is hitting empty faster than your petrol tank right before payday!On these days. its not that easy to wear the brave and confident mask. 

I'm currently working in a job I don't really like too much, I'm dealing with incompetence, favouritism and absurd management that leaves leadership at the door and poor decision making the number one priority. It's rough some days. I've read so many self-help books  however for the most part the tips and hints offered are generic and are not tailored to the individual. Problem is we're all different with different needs, we think differently with different emotions, different reactions but for some reason we're all thrown into one group aptly titled "Need Help!" 

I may well try to walk the "Be Positive" path and convince myself that my life is fantastic but I'm only human and I face my struggles the same as everyone else.  In saying that though I have discovered a few techniques that I've learned primarily from a man called Napoleon Hill. He may be long gone but he understood adversity, struggle and the power of the mind better than most

1. Stay 100% focused on the life you want not the one you have. There is much evidence to support the theory you attract all that you think about. If your job isn't so good or your boss is a moron, try not to think about them. Instead change your thoughts and think the perfect job you like to be doing.Remember whatever thoughts you send out, that's what you'll be drawing back to you
2. Vision Boards. Lovely idea but the majority leave out one important fact. It's not enough to put up pictures and words of what you want, you need an action plan and a commitment to putting that action plan in place to get what you want. So: Goal - Plan - Action Plan!
3. Happy Lists! Spend some time and come up with a a list of wonderful things you can think about when your thoughts go off the rails. Distraction to better things can help dispel negative thought patterns. 
4. Profiteering from Adversity. Remember when the chips are down and your reaching your lowest, it could be that your being nudged to the next phase of your life elsewhere. Your mental attitude is the only way you can convert defeats and failures.
5. Master your mind. Think before you speak and refrain from saying anything negative. Understand that good or bad, you have absolute and total control over every single thought you create

I do try to put the wise words of Napoleon to everyday effect but like so many I'm just as prone to reach for the negative as my default response. However I can say with all honesty that the more I practise these techniques, the easier it gets to change my negative default to a more positive one and it happens a little faster each time! 

Someone once said "Life wasn't mean't to be easy" Between you and I, I'd like to find that person and ask them a very simple question: "Why not?"