Wow, I've read quite a bit about "Ghosting" today. Articles are appearing on websites with "victims" of ghosting share their sob stories about the pain associated with it or how hard it was to deal with. Unfortunately I have seen no mention of the term "Shared Responsibility"......
For those who don't know what it is, "Ghosting" is essentially the ceasing of all communication with someone to the point you hope they get the hint and buggar off. It's a weak way to remove someone from your life.
Ghosting hurts, so rarely painless. When someone you cared about walks away from your life with no apparent reason or word, it can leave you feeling rejected, angry and hurting but I don't think it's a blameless act.
To be honest I've ghosted and been ghosted! Everyone has experienced ghosting at some point in their life. I'm not religious but consider that even Jesus was ghosted by Judas!!!!! Face it, it may not be a nice experience but it happens to the best of us.
Here's a special note to everyone I've ghosted: I left your life for a very good reason although I probably should've told you why. I hope you moved on.
And now a special note to everyone who ever ghosted me: I tried to figure out why but now I understand you too had your reasons why. I've moved on and I hope you have too.
It's hard to imagine people would leave without a reason. Surely no one just decides on the spur of the moment to up and go but the harsh fact is that something DID happen, you just can't pinpoint what.....and you never find out either.
So to those running around crying over being ghosted: Please stop playing an innocent victim looking for sympathy because it's very likely you played a part that caused the person to silently exit.
Here are some reasons why you may have been ghosted:
1. You started ignoring them rather than 'servicing' them. Didn't stay in regular contact via email or phone etc. Absence of presence can be a killer for any friendship
2. You made a comment you shouldn't have - passed an opinion your friend didn't agree with, gave an honest opinion about their significant other than was less than flattering......
3. You don't get along with their latest squeeze....you'll be dropped like a hot potato for this one!
4. You were using them as a chauffeur, dog sitter, money lender, animal feeder, unpaid labor...this list could take hours. Be honest with yourself about why you wanted to be friends in the first place.
5. You changed and they don't like it! We all change.....it's unavoidable
6. They simply outgrew you! Different lives, different experiences, different worlds. It happens
7. You continually made excuses not to see them....washing my hair, painting my pet rocks, busy....all these excuses can slowly call for the death knell in any friendship
8. Sometimes, despite nothing happening to warrant an break, people just move out of your life.
Despite your best efforts, it is difficult or impossible to recapture a friendship after a ghosting experience. You made a phone call to them, an email, tried to Facebook with them but still you remain invisible to them. Why? Did you ever consider that perhaps they were just so hurt by whatever act took place that it was easier to leave and stay away with no explanation. For some it's just too hard to see that person anymore as they only service as a reminder of the past pain you felt.
People need common threads to stay aligned, a mutual interest or hobby etc in order to stay aligned but when those threads vanish, we find ourselves needing to move on in another direction. Treasure the relationships today but understand they may have to leave your life briefly, maybe for a bit longer or perhaps forever. Remember the fond times you spent with them but understand things change and so do people. They seek new experiences, new friends, new beginnings, new lives and sometimes you cannot go where they are going.
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